I am so glad that school is done and finished for the day! Though, the prospect of having to go back there tomorrow is heart-breaking. Right now, science and maths is INSANE!!!! The contexts that is being covered and tested currently is really difficult and it makes me so anxious, tense, and frustrated. I hate it. Science is actually not too bad anymore, but maths, GOSH! I wish I was born a natural genius like some people I know (and envy with might!). I know it is wrong to be jealous of others and to not appreciate the good assets that God has blessed me with….GRR>>> Also I have to practice guitar, but I am too lazy….

For the past three days I have been baking CONSECUTIVELY! A part of me feels bad for using up the energy of the oven, but I love baking so very much. It relaxes me…It makes me happy…Also others are happy when they eat my goods so it makes me feel a sense of worth and value….

Now, let’s talk about my ED. I really want to recover.

Don’t you?

Golly Gosh, I DO! I wish I could eat in a relaxed, non-controlling manner….and just nourish my brain and body with what it needs and craves…Yesterday I had a maths test. Knowing that I need extra brain power and how weak it gets when I become hungry (which is always at school), I decided to jack in some extra protein and calories. I just brought carrots with dip for lunch, which I know won’t sustain me through the test, so I bought a cheese sandwich from the canteen. Because of my fear of carbohydrates, I did my best to peel the bread apart and to pick off the cheese. You see, cheese is no fear food of mine. I love it. The cheese was melted and already well embedded into the bread, so I got pretty pissed off. 

Sigh……What am I to do???

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