Today I had a health check-up with my Doctor. Unfortunately, I have lost approximately three kilograms and some muscle, my body temperature was low and so was my heart rate. I was not happy of course. I don’t want things to escalate, but the issue is, I don’t really want to change my diet or anything. A part of me wants to keep the same body and to just keep doing what I’m doing, but I know that if I don’t evoke change then I will have to keep coming back to the hospital and never be free from the Eating Disorders program. Also, by returning back to the hospital I am also making my parents suffer. The time and effort they exert to drive me to the hospital is impacting them. It is also incredibly unfair. 

So I challenged myself. 

For dinner, I ate a slice of bread and about half an avocado, along with a good amount of chicken and vegetables. Every bite of the bread was agonizing, but I knew I had to do it in order to recover. Man this is so frustrating and difficult….I just want to crawl in a hole and wither away……