Archives for posts with tag: God

You know how in the past I have on numerous occasions mentioned about “recovering’, ‘fighting my eating disorder’, and giving up on ‘sinful’ and immoral acts? Well, it is certainly easier said than done as I have broken those promises. My intentions and pure and good, but to implement them in real life is incredibly difficult. It brings me shame, disgust and sadness that I have not made much progress in my recovery and I am frustrated about it. I always want to fight and to do what is right and good, but I always falls back into the same dark, selfish place called anorexia.

I’ve purged

I’ve binged

I’ve wasted food mindlessly

Oh God, forgive me! I feel so bad and I wish to seek your forgiveness for the millionth time….GRRRREKHTBWFUIGL!!! Why can’t I just be normal?????

God also help me with my studies. I have a maths test tomorrow, so please help me to do well, to read the questions carefully and answer them correctly and carefully… Watch over me…And also hopefully I get good marks for my biology and SOCE document study assessments….Especially the biology one because I found it incredulous!

Watch over my family and keep us healthy, happy and safe…..

Dear God,

Here I am, again. I apologise for being such a delinquent, and as a result having to constantly turn to you for forgiveness. However, this time it is serious. 

Recently, I have been committing a lot of sin and doing all sorts of things. It makes me feel sad and guilty. I do not want to be a bad person but rather a good person with a warm, pure heart and mind and living a life full of integrity, justice, and goodwill. Who doesn’t? So what do I seek forgiveness for? I apologise for wasting so much food and money, indulging in my eating disorder, ignoring my parents, being coldhearted and disrespectful to others, purging, lying, cheating, manipulating, abusing myself, not appreciating the life I’ve got, and not being faithful enough to you. All these things have made me have a negative outlook to life, which I do not want at all! I want to feel good about myself and about the life that I am living. 

And so, I will do all I can to change my old ways and renew myself. If I don’t change,then obviously nothing will. 

Please help me be a better person and to do good only. Help me change….Give me strength….Purify my heart and mind….

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I promise to no longer lie or cheat; to remain honest, kind, loving, and have good intentions in life. To do what is right is more important than to do what seems easy. As for my eating disorder…..To be honest I am not putting much effort into recovery. I do not truly want to recover because I enjoy giving into its ways and restricting and abusing myself. Why? Because I feel that by doing so I am able to take on all of life’s struggles and deal with the pain…And restricting and such is the only control I have in life as life itself is undefinable and uncontrollable. I am a control freak. However, I feel that it is a really stupid and unhealthy thing to do and I really do want to break out of it, but I find myself recoiling to the same spot whenever I try to do so….

Nevertheless I HAVE TO RECOVER> God give me the strength and courage to do what is right and just…Watch over me and guide me to the right path.

Thanks

Yours sincerely,

G.