Archives for posts with tag: Help

You know how in the past I have on numerous occasions mentioned about “recovering’, ‘fighting my eating disorder’, and giving up on ‘sinful’ and immoral acts? Well, it is certainly easier said than done as I have broken those promises. My intentions and pure and good, but to implement them in real life is incredibly difficult. It brings me shame, disgust and sadness that I have not made much progress in my recovery and I am frustrated about it. I always want to fight and to do what is right and good, but I always falls back into the same dark, selfish place called anorexia.

I’ve purged

I’ve binged

I’ve wasted food mindlessly

Oh God, forgive me! I feel so bad and I wish to seek your forgiveness for the millionth time….GRRRREKHTBWFUIGL!!! Why can’t I just be normal?????

God also help me with my studies. I have a maths test tomorrow, so please help me to do well, to read the questions carefully and answer them correctly and carefully… Watch over me…And also hopefully I get good marks for my biology and SOCE document study assessments….Especially the biology one because I found it incredulous!

Watch over my family and keep us healthy, happy and safe…..

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Today I talked with my neighbor, and she knows about my eating disorder. She has great knowledge on the illness because her daughter had suffered from it, and so she gave me some incredibly powerful advice that has left me more determined than ever to overcome the disorder. 

She told me how it is critical to recover and heal my mind and body, or else I am unable to pursue anything. I come first before anything else. I must do all I can to be well and then think about other things. Life is short, therefore I should choose to do things that are worth my time and not waste a second!

She is absolutely right. Life IS precious and short. I feel that I have wasted enough time dwelling on my eating disorder and engaging in its wicked games, and the prospect of being free from its grasp is so glorious…. I just want to be normal, happy, and healthy…

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So what can I do to achieve recovery? Well, here are my aims:

  • Not to have any fear foods ( therefore overcome them)
  • Reach healthy weight range and get my periods back
  • Abolish any eating disorder behaviors (purging, binging, timing, calorie counting)
  • Love and respect my body

I can do this…:)

 

 

I have a list of foods that I admittedly am afraid of eating. 

My excuse (rather pathetic I must say..) for not eating them during meal times is either that “I don’t like it” or “It is unhealthy”. After giving some thought, the real reason has emerged from my senses: I am fearful that they might contribute to weight gain. The foods that I fear are rather calorie-dense….and well, they are not exactly nutritious either.

However, I don’t want to keep living with the fear of eating certain foods. I want to have a relaxed approach towards my meals and be able to eat whatever, whenever, with whoever. Right now, all I eat is healthy stuff and pretty much the same stuff day in, day out. I want to break free. I want to overcome my fear foods……If anyone could, please give me advice as to how I can overcome my fear foods!!!!

I am thinking of introducing a fear food at least once every week, starting from the most basic item such as bread or noodles!Image